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Why Is It Called Self Pleasure?

by Emily Kim

I get this question sooooo often. It’s a huge block for people.

“If it doesn’t have to be sexual, why don’t you call it something else? I just picture masturbation straight away..”

Okay here it is:

Self Pleasure can encompass masturbation yes, but it is not the same as masturbation.

As Dane Tomas graciously said recently “Self Pleasure is what grown-ups call masturbation”.

This is because it encompasses a whole lot more than simply rubbing your genitals like horny teenagers aiming for an orgasm.

Firstly, it’s about being with your SELF.

It’s about opening your body up to more feeling and aliveness resulting in more pleasure (not just in sex, but in all of life) through finding the pleasure in all the sensations, through the densities and truth of what’s going on in your body; not manufacturing it through force or external stimulation (masturbation).

We aren’t working with a goal, we are simply being with the body.


AND more importantly – if you contract or feel fear around the words “Self Pleasure”, or around the idea of masturbation, there is a key indicator right off the bat that you hold suppression & conditioning around sexuality (that is NOT YOURS).

The name is incredibly powerful to the cause; It promotes reflection and conversation in the least.

If it triggers you, it’s an indicator it has something to offer you.

We are heavily conditioned to think sex is wrong, private, dirty, shameful, and embarrassing. And there is an inherent innocence this conditioning has taken away from us.

But we are sexual beings.

It’s how every single one of us arrived here.

Why are we such prudes about it?

Why do we fear expressions of sex and pleasure?

Why are we so scared of liberation?

Where did all this belief come from?

It actually gets to be fun and safe.

The suppression of sexual energy has caused a whole lot of problems in today’s world.

Self Pleasure is about nothing more than reconnecting with who we are beyond the layers shaped by society.

So instead of getting hung up on what it’s called, let the question be – what can it offer us?

Emily is a graduate of the Institute of New Paradigm Intimacy. Erotic priestess and poet in devotion to eros, embodiment & sex magick. Inspiring humans to unearth their unique sexual expression.

Connect with Emily here: https://www.instagram.com/em.ily.kim/

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5 Self PleasureTips 

To live with an ignited heart we must ignite our Eros. Follow these simple steps to change the way you connect with your body.


Is the practice of descending awareness down into the body and relating with the sensations being experienced, without attaching stories or meaning. Through using the 4 tantric tools of sound,
breath, movement and touch, the sensations are given space to be expressed without judgment or censoring.


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