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Read educational content, spicy personal stories and articles from our founder Victoria Redbard, plus past and present students and team members. 

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How Self Pleasure Changed My Life and Business

by Jade Scarfone

Today I’d like to tell you a story. This is an edgy story, something I’d never really felt called to speak about in public, until a few months ago. Because I believe it’s time to break down the barriers around all these taboo topics. So here I am to talk about how Self Pleasure changed my life and business.

A little over a year ago I joined a business coaching program. On our first call, one of the things we were invited to do was spend at least 30 minutes a day touching ourselves. No goals, no outcomes. Just creating a connection with ourselves.

I wanted to run for the hills.

This is meant to be a business program. What the f*%k does this have to do with that?!

But I stayed. I trusted. And I listened.

At the time it was so awkward and uncomfortable for me. Years of conditioning, of shaming, being made to feel gross. Of stories and beliefs around sex. I had a partner. Isn’t it wrong to want to explore my body without him? By that point, we’d stopped having sex anyway so I figured I had nothing to lose.

I had reached such a low point in my life that I was willing to try anything to turn it around.

So I pushed through the discomfort and day by day I started to enjoy my own touch. I started to rewrite my beliefs, drop the layers of shame and conditioning, and reconnect to parts of myself that had long ago been buried.

Sex Magick and Manifesting Your Desires

A few months into the program Victoria hosted a call. She talked to us about eros and sex magick and how this was the way to unlock all our desires.

I was mesmerised. At the time this was a foreign language to me, now I live and breathe this message.

She invited us to try out her sex magick meditation, and wow, I was transported to another dimension. I didn’t even know my body was capable of feeling those sensations.

That level of ecstatic bliss.

Part of me felt guilty that I was in a relationship and I was preferring to connect with myself.

But I’d been playing the good girl for so long. And now I was ready to shine. To call in all my desires. And if sex magick was going to help me, so be it.

That meditation has helped me call in so many incredible things, including a role in the New Paradigm Intimacy team.

But I still felt way out of my depth.

In March 2021 I went to the Northern Rivers for a team planning day. Everyone in the team had done a lot of sexology work. And then there was me, who hadn’t even had sex in over a year.

I voiced my concerns. How I felt way out of my depth. Like I didn’t have enough to contribute to the team. They reminded me I’m not here to be a facilitator, I’m here to do the tech stuff. The important stuff that allows the message to reach more people.

But I still wasn’t convinced.

Vic’s response….

“Let’s do a self pleasure circle”

Say what?!

Talk about being initiated into a world that was way out of my comfort zone.

7 of us in a room all pleasuring ourselves at once.

What have I gotten myself into? Do I stay? Do I run?

I was curious. So I stayed.

And what I experienced was nothing short of incredible.

The energy. The level of connection. I left there feeling so high.

Let me be clear here. Self Pleasure is not masturbation, although it can be. But for this session, most of us were still clothed.

It’s about tuning into the body, being present with what’s alive in the moment, feeling the sensations, and moving energy.

If you allow yourself to fully drop in, it can result in orgasm but that’s not always the end goal.

It’s about getting out of the head and into the body. And it’s a powerful modality for manifestation. Our sex is literally the portal to all our creativity. When we become connected to that, we can create anything we desire.

And that’s how Self Pleasure changed my life and business.

The more I became connected with my body, tuned into my desires, allowed myself to surrender to waves of pleasure. The more I became a powerful portal of creativity and calling in what I wanted.

Since then I’ve attended a lot more of these types of events and it’s safe to say I now feel really comfortable being in this expression with other people. It’s such a natural and beautiful thing to experience.

I’ve now also become kind of the go-to tech and social media girl for all the sexuality coaches around this region, which makes for some pretty fun and interesting work days. When I quit the bank all those years ago to be a travel blogger, I never would’ve imagined this would be my life. But here we are and I love it!

Why am I sharing this?!

Firstly, I want to see a world where these taboo topics are brought into the light. Where we can end the shame and people can feel comfortable in their own sexuality.

Secondly, working with this modality and being part of the INPI team has completely changed my life.

And I want others to experience this too. It may seem too scary, or out of your comfort zone, but if you’re even a little bit curious like I was, then I invite you to take the plunge.

You never know what’s waiting on the other side, unless you take the leap.

Try out the Sex Magick Meditation for yourself right here. And if you’re curious to learn more about the Self Pleasure modality, go here.

Jade is our tech witch, asset designer & community manager at the Institute of New Paradigm Intimacy.

Connect with Jade here: https://www.instagram.com/jademareescarfone/

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5 Self PleasureTips 

To live with an ignited heart we must ignite our Eros. Follow these simple steps to change the way you connect with your body.


Is the practice of descending awareness down into the body and relating with the sensations being experienced, without attaching stories or meaning. Through using the 4 tantric tools of sound,
breath, movement and touch, the sensations are given space to be expressed without judgment or censoring.


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